James here. I am a pretty nice guy. Most people who know me would agree. They would say, “Yeah, he’s a nice guy. So level headed and even tempered. A real winner.” People are so nice. What they don’t know is that sometimes, out of nowhere, I fill with rage in an instant and I need to let loose. This is a story of just such an event. It all started, about an hour ago, in my living room…… (wavy lines and sound effects)
So, I’m watching TV with the wife. Everything is going just fine, I had a pretty good day at work and I have very little to complain about. The commercials start and I’m still doing well. Car ad, kitchen cleaner, weed killer, and I’m copasetic. Then comes the Toaster Strudel commercial. I watch it silently, in awe. When it’s over, I look over at my wife and say “You know what??” She looks at me politely. “Fuck Toaster Strudel!!”
Now, understand, this outburst was not directed at my lovely wife Sarah in any way. She just happened to be the only one present at my declaration to the world. And why the vulgarity you might ask? My reply would be that my vulgarity is nothing compared to Toaster Strudel’s cold and relentless attacks on the Pop Tart. I’m not really sure if there is a good comparison to how TS has dragged its breakfast pastry companion through the mud. We are talking about more than a decade of Pop Tart hate spreading.
Remember the commercial where the kid hid his Pop Tarts in his locker out of embarrassment. Its sad really, when you think about it. What kind of emotional turmoil are you going through that you would hide your breakfast. What about the one where the two kids are comparing the breakfast pastries their parents had purchased for them. The kid with the strudel says something like, “I know my parents love me because they bought me this sexy pastry”. Then Pop Tart kid says, “I hate my life. I like eating Pop Tarts and dirt”.
All I’m saying is that Toaster Strudel needs to lay off the Pop Tart bashing. Base their advertising on the good qualities of their own product. Maybe then, they won’t look like a bunch of assholes. And maybe they’ll sell a few more Strudels. Not to me, of course. I hate them.
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